Chilli's Update with a surpising twist at the end!

Firstly, before I start on the main subject of this blog post, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy New Year with the exception to those who screwed me emotionally and tried to take advantage of me financially just to meet their own needs in their selfish way. To those, a big FUCK YOU this year goes out to you and I hope you don't make it next year but that last part would be a selfish thing of me to say so I'll just leave it at a big FUCK YOU to you because, someday, you'll get yours at the end and I just may be around to see your ass tumble to the ground. To those of you who find the words, "Fuck You" offensive, just be lucky you won't have the opportunity for me to say it to your face.... unless you make me angry (which takes a LOT of pissing me off to do!) of which I went through already in my previous post!

Now, onto the meat and potatoes of this post...

As you are aware of from my previous blog post, I mentioned my unfortunate circumstance I had at the Chili's restaurant on Monday, December 12th 2011 (posting was on Dec. 15th). If you didn't read the previous post, read it now then scroll back up here. I'll wait.....




Back? Good! Let's get started!

I have posted the previous blog update onto my Twitter account so @Chili's themselves can review it and maybe, just maybe, make an unfortunate wrong into a right.

Barely a day letter, I got this surprising direct message on my Twitter account:

 I was pretty impressed they got back to me in such a timely manner! I sent them a response back...

 About five days later, I got an email response: (Black boxes to hide last names and such for obvious reasons. I am very serious when it comes to the protection of others privacy.)

I sent this response back:

So, as you can see in the above email response, I gave my reasoning as to why I just had to do what I had to do.

After I sent that message, I assumed they were going to send me a gift card or something similar just to compensate for the "Triple Dipper" (TD) appetizer I did not feel obligated to pay for as I mentioned in the previous blog post. The  TD was $10.59 so I figured I'd get a gift card for $10 which was fine with me. Boy, was I wrong!

Ten days later, I received this letter in the mail:

In the folded letter were these:

Not only did I get the $10 I believe they were obliged to send to make right what was wrong but, as you can see from above, I got TWO certificates, totaling $20, which covers close to 100% of the bill that night!





Even though we can't travel back in time to make wrongs into rights (or can we? Maybe there are time travelers around us but "they" are not revealing the truth to it yet.), I like to go out of my way to fix any wrongs I did with someone, professionally in my computer business and, especially, personally in my life. Unfortunately there are companies and people out there who could give a damn which doesn't make this world a pretty place to live in as we all know. There are also people out there who become belligerent and lash out because a mistake was made by a company or person they had no control over at the time. I'm glad Chili's went out of their way and went beyond what they needed to to satisfy their customer (myself).

Because of Chili's quick response to a dissatisfied customer's blog post, timely email responses, and MORE THAN a reimbursement for a meal the customer didn't feel obligated to pay for, I'd like to say their customer service is top notch in my book and will recommend this restaurant to anyone because if something does go mistakenly wrong (even though it was a douchebag customer behind me who acted like a fool!), Chili's will do more than they can to make you satisfied and keep you coming back for more excellent food and service. Unless the customer is a belligerent douchebag, don't expect anything good in return because your crappy personality towards life deserves nothing but crappy service! Unfortunately, though, being in retail for over eight years, I still had to give superb service to super crappy customers and most companies such as Chili's are obligated to do the same and I feel their pain which is I why I am my own companies boss and I don't have to be obligated to feel that pain as much anymore. ;-)

I'd like to thank the people behind @Chilli's on twitter. I highly recommend you follow them if you have an account. I'd also like to thank Amanda from Guest Relations and last but not least, Julee, the Guest Relations Manager for their sensational response in the matter of which preceded this blog post!! I'll be heading back again soon for a great dining experience!! I'm sure, after reading this, others will do the same if they haven't done so already!

To the others reading this out there, make it your New Years resolution to speak your mind when you feel something went wrong. If you don't feel comfortable at the time to speak your mind (I'm that way myself, although, depending if the situation isn't that bad, I resort to some goofy sarcasm as shown in the previous blog post.), resort to a blog or, if you want to go old school, write a letter about your experience and send it through email, snail mail it (it's not going away anytime soon no matter what is being said.), or, just drop the letter back to the location and tell an employee to hand it to the manager/owner of the establishment. If you don't speak your mind about these unfortunate circumstances we all face in life, how do you expect them to be prevented in the future? If it was too horrible of a circumstance for you to not want to go back at all, AT LEAST still let them know what went on so the same thing doesn't happen to others so you're not a selfish and inconsiderate bastard.

On that note, thanks to all of you who came across and read my blog and I hope this post taught you a valuable lesson today. After all, that's the purpose of my blog; to give people some ammunition they need to get through the bullshit in life we all face once in a while. Your mileage may vary with my advice on here but where else can you go to find out how to get through interesting conundrums such as mine? ;-)

Until next time,

Justin Rocque

From my chump change to the chump who ate my food! - Part 2

This blog post is part two of the previous post, regarding the chump who ate my food and things in between. The above video clip reflects that a little bit.

First, before I mention the chump who ate my food, I must mention what happened when I was driving on Port St. Lucie Blvd on the way to my cousin's house at around 5:30 P.M, which, as you know, is a pretty busy time at that intersection.  I was in the right lane waiting for the light to change on Gatlin to make a right turn as shown in the image below.

As you can see from the image above, I was in the right lane which is a right turn only lane depicted by the arrow on the street pointing to the RIGHT (left here but the image is from the opposite angle). There is also a sign posted on the sidewalk. I noticed I was waiting there for a bit and then realized the cars in front of the one car in front of me already went and made the right turn. I then noticed the car in front of me put their turn signal on to turn LEFT. That's when I got pretty upset, as well as the cars behind me, and beeped my horn once. I am usually pretty lenient when it comes to mistakes people make on the road in front of me but this was the extent of my leniency. It was rush hour in traffic and the person was in the turning lane. If they did not want to turn right, they shouldn't have stayed in that lane. If they couldn't have gotten over in time, too bad, so sad. They need to keep going and make the right and THEN make a U-turn. It's as simple as that!

It is rude for a car such as the one I was in front of to hog the WHOLE lane so they can try to get out and go straight when EVERYONE else behind them wants to go right and have the right to, in THAT LANE, to go right with no questions asked! The passenger in the car in front of me, a nice new Black VW Passat or whatever VW it was, put their arm out and flipped me the bird. The Dragon doesn't like getting the bird flipped his way for doing nothing wrong on his part so I beeped the horn again. Then, the person in the drivers side put their arm out all the way and flipped the bird as well. Furious, and with the others behind me beeping, I put my hand on the horn again and KEPT that bitch pressed to show the bird flippers who was boss and to not make the Dragon angry because they wouldn't like the Dragon when he's angry...





Slowly, but surely, while both birds were out, they started to move up until.. they FINALLY made the RIGHT-TURN, which is what they were supposed to do all along. I kept the horn pressed when they made the turn and was right on their tail until they went to the median to make a U-turn. Then I beeped it again and floored it out right around them.

It's assinines like the ones above who make driving the streets a pain in the ass for all of us. Did they surely think the people behind them were just going to sit back and relax and wait for them to get out of the turning lane during rush hour which is pretty much impossible to do at that time? Of course they do! The world revolves around these fools, in their eyes. It's pretty sad, it really is. I love to drive but it's people like the ones mentioned who just make me want to just drive at midnight when the streets don't have as much fools.

Now.... onto the Chili's Chump...

It was past 6 P.M. and I had nothing to eat yet so my cousin said we should all go out so I can eat dinner and they have dessert. My other cousin didn't want to go so it was just me and my one cousin. We decided on Chili's because we went there last time and we both like the atmosphere and the food is pretty good.

I was looking at the menu to decide what to get. I decided on the triple dipper of chicken crispers, potato skins, and fried CHEESE (why they call it that instead of mozzarella sticks is beyond me and my cousin and I were pondering this odd thing for a few minutes. I also ponder about other odd things in life.) because we can both share some of that and she'll get her dessert when we're done with that.

The waiter came and took our order. We sat there and waited, and waited, and waited. We started to converse as to what was taking so damn long. My cousin saw the table behind me get some stuff already which looked similar to what we had ordered but I didn't turn around to get a closer look. So, we waited some more....

About thirty minutes passed until the waiter came back and asked how we were doing. We both said we were doing great but I said in the calmness voice I usually have, "We've just been waiting for around forty minutes for our food!"

The waiter then said, "I know, I'm sorry about that. Your food was ready and they brought it out from the back but gave it to the table behind you by mistake so they took it."
I said, "Oh, ok... but they are at least going to pay for it though because they ate it, right?"
Waiter: "No, it was our mistake."
Me: "Well, that's just stupid. If they took it, they should pay for it."
Waiter: "We just put the order for you in again so it will be out soon. Sorry about that."
Me: "Ah, it's OK. Thanks."

So, justin case you didn't know what just went down; our food was ready and was brought out to the table behind me. The two people at the table behind me just decided to accept the food instead of saying, "We did not order that." No, they just accepted it, even probably saying, "Oh, we didn't order it but we'll take it anyway." so they did, therefore, not having to pay for it! Ain't that some shit!?





     So, the food eventually came but I was expressing my feelings about what just happened because of the inconsiderate bastards behind me like I never have before...

"MMM....this is some mighty fine fried CHEESE right here! I wonder if their FRIED CHEESE behind me were just as good!! MMM....... DAMN GOOD!!"
"These chicken crispers sure are CRISPY!! I wonder if the ones behind me were just as crispy!!"
"One should not take that which does not belong to them! It's just a foolish and inconsiderate thing to do!"
"MMMM........ these 'tator skins sure are yummy! I wonder if their tater skins were just as good too!"


Each time I was saying the above, I was doing it loudly and while my head was turned to the side so the douche bag with his date behind me could hear it. My cousin said they weren't really paying attention much because they were probably engulfed in their conversations just like they had engulfed our food of which they DID NOT have to pay for of which I DID, even though my cousin and I were the ones who were INCONVENIENCED because we had to wait over thirty minutes for it! 


So, here's what should have been done on Chili's part and should be done in the future:


If they serve the order to the wrong table and the person at the table chooses, for whatever selfish reason, to accept it and eat it anyway, that table should be the one who pays for it. It's just a matter of common sense and business practices; he/she who eats something in a restaurant should, in return, pay for what has been eaten unless the order was not satisfactory or not correct, of course. It's as simple as that.


Now, for the other table who has been waiting LONGER than USUAL for the order to arrive because the selfish morons at the other table chose to eat their food, the other table in which the order has been intended for should NOT have to pay for the selfish table's mistake on their part because they have to wait LONGER to serve whatever they have been ordered. The rolls should have been reversed; the selfish table should have paid for what was not intended for them but consumed anyway and the other table who did not receive their order on time because of such incident SHOULD NOT have been obligate to pay for the order sans drinks and tip. Now, you tell me, would this not be the just thing to do in any establishment?

Your input would be appreciated! I'm sure Chili's will read this post about them so an update with their feedback and how they resolved this minor issue will be posted in another blog post.

Until next time,

Justin

From my chump change to the chump who ate my food!

The above video correlates a bit to my money pit:

Business has been slower than expected during the past week so I had to resort to my "Holy Shit! Funds." This is my emergency fund set aside which consists of change collected in a container during the span of many months. I do not use change when I purchase things so when I pay for things with paper money, I keep the change and just stick it in that container you see above and fill it up to the rim until a situation like this arises.

I grabbed my container of HSF (Holy Shit! Funds) and headed to my bank, Bank of America. Yea, I know what you are already thinking after what has been going on lately but I'm not going to open that can of worms... or am I?

I arrived at the bank, parked, grabbed my HSF and headed through the door... only to find a man who already beat me to it, although I didn't expect this at all when I walked in. There was an older man with the bank greeter lady standing next to a table, putting his change in those "rollers."

*The following quoted texts are near identical to what has actually been said.*

I asked the lady, "Hello, I'd like to deposit this here."
The lady responds, "I'm sorry, we can't take it like that. You have to put them in rollers."
I then said, "You don't have a machine here?"
She answered, "No, we don't have that here but you can take it to Publix but they'll charge you a fee or you can put them in rollers and deposit it here."
I said, "OK, thank you!" I was about to just head out the door and she interrupted, "Do you want to get rollers and deposit it here or take it to Publix?"
"I guess I'll do it here."
"Ok, you can get the rollers up front."
"Ok, thank you."

So, I went up to the front, got a crap load of rollers, left the bank, and went back in my car and said, "WTF?! I don't have time to sit here and roll all this shit nor do I want to! This is justin sane!" I decided to then take a trip to the credit union down the road my mother and sister have an account at because they have a machine thing there.

I arrived at the credit union, grabbed my HSF, and walked in. I got on line and after less than a minute, a man left the line saying, "Have a Happy Monday!." I thought that was pretty stupid then went to the next teller available. I said, "Hi, I just have a quick question. I just came from my bank and they don't have a machine to put the change in. My mother and sister come here and they told me there's a machine here. Can you take care of this?"

She said, "Do you have an account here?"
"No."
"I'm sorry, the only way I can use the machine is if you had an account here. The money goes in the machine and gets deposited into the account and you can withdraw it."
"Oh, alright, thanks anyway!"
"You're welcome. Have a nice day."
"You too!"

So, I grabbed my HSF and headed out the door and back in my car. There I sat, HSF sitting in the passenger seat wondering what the heck to do now. Sure, I could go to Publix and have the machine take care of it for me but I don't feel I should pay for such a "convenience" of something so simple. It was now a little after 3PM and I was running out of time. Maybe my family can assist with the "rolling" of this change so I can have it all finished before the bank closes. I gave a couple a call.... no answer. So, there I sat, in my car with no choice left but to dump the HSF on the car seat and start rollin.... some coins! So much change, so little time. I took care of all of the quarters then some dimes, ending up with a total of $65 in rolled HSF. During that time, I got a business call and told him I'll be there within an hour. So, I put the rest back in the HSF container and deposited the rolled coins through the drive thru. Of course, I needed a deposit slip. I didn't have a deposit slip. I got a deposit slip. I filled out the slip, gave back the slip, then got back another slip with the deposit amount. I was all set... all to prevent my account from getting a $35 charge for dropping down to below 0. With the check I got from the customer, it was enough anyway but I didn't know that until after the rolling started.

Now.... to get to the meat (or, if you're a vegetarian, tofu) of the story...

Coins (also called "change") is a form of money just like paper bills are. Money, no matter what kind it is should be deposited at any bank with no questions ask. A person should be able to take a container, box, or sac of any amount of coins to either deposit or get some other form of cash or even a money order or cashier's check. If the bank does NOT have a machine to put the coins in, such as the case with BANK OF AMERICA, they should PURCHASE one to make this task simple instead of making it the customer's obligation to roll the damn coins themselves, which, as you know, is time consuming. And, before you mention it, I know there are "consumer-based" devices out there which do this task for you automatically but I don't believe we, as a consumer, who are even paying banks monthly fees, should have to purchase such a thing if the bank should do it for us with no questions asked.

Teller: "Good afternoon, sir/mam. How can I assist you today?"
Customer: "Hi, I would like to deposit this bag of coins."
Teller: "I'll be happy to assist you with that."
Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "I'm going to put it all in the machine over here and deposit it right to your account or if you cash back, in any form you wish, back."
Customer: "Sounds great, thank you!"

Badda bing, badda boom, done! How hard is that, Bank of America? Is that really too much work? I'll tell you what, I'll even buy the machine for the bank for you. Oh, wait, I already have! I'm already spending $144 a year for the "convenience" of having MY money in YOUR bank. I also, a LONG while back, spent over $500+ in overdraft charges so that should cover the price of the machine you fail to have in your banks as of yet.

Or, if you don't want to provide a machine in your bank, hire a "change roller." This person's job will   specifically be to just roll change:

Teller: "Good afternoon, sir/ma'am. How can I assist you today?"
Customer: "Hi, I would like to deposit this bag of coins."
Teller: "I'll be happy to assist you with that."
Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "I'm going to hand this bag to our change roller, who is sitting in the room right over there. He/she hasn't had much change today, so he'll/she'll be glad to roll your change.
Customer: "No offense, but how can I trust he/she doesn't take any of my change while he rolls?"
Teller: "I understand your concern and there is no need to worry. We have multiple cameras in the room above and under the desk. If he/she slips some change in his/her pocket, he/she will be terminated and the money he/she took will placed into your account where it belongs.
Customer: "Sounds great. Thank you very much."
Teller: "It's my pleasure. Would you like to wait for the roller to be finished with your change to get money back or would you like the amount to be just deposited into your account?
Customer: "You can just deposit it into my account."
Teller: "Ok, you're all set. Have a great day!"
Customer: "Thank you, you too!"


There, so there are two options for you. I'd say, the better option, in my opinion, would be to hire "change rollers" because that will put more people with jobs instead of without. They must be able to pass a change rolling test though which will consist of being able to roll quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies. They should also be paid at LEAST $10/hr so they can afford to live in this area somewhat comfortably.


That's it! So, Bank of America and the other banks out there who still make your customers roll the change to make it more convenient for YOU, get to it!


This concludes the first part of this two part blog post.

After all these years, I thought being a Nice Guy was a good thing.

As you can see from my previous post, it has been a month shy of a year since I posted an update here. One of the main reasons will be revealed in this post.

I usually mention any updates about my life and rant about things I come across in life and around me in general. This time, I am going to change it up a bit and write about the type of person I have been for as long as I can remember and mention a few specific reason as to why I, as of a couple nights ago (Tues), have decided to do my best to not be affiliated with this type of person anymore. As you can see from the title, this type of person is the "Nice Guy."

That's right, you read that correctly. I have decided to NOT be a Nice Guy anymore and am going to do my best from now on to steer away from many of the "Nice Guy" traits I've had for as long as I remember so I can be a "Better Man."




 

I'm sure a lot of you are a bit confused and are wondering why a Nice Guy would not want to be a Nice Guy anymore. After all, everyone love's a Nice Guy and everyone raves about how Nice Guys help everyone else, puts their needs after everyone else's needs are met, are good listeners, keep their cool, and so on and so on.

But have you ever wondered how a guy was developed into a Nice Guy? Have you ever wondered what was going through the mind of a Nice Guy? And, most of all, have you ever wondered why a Nice Guy would always help you in anyway they can without even bothering to help themselves first? Until after you read those questions, I highly doubt you ever did.

Just a couple nights ago, I decided to pick up one of the three books I ordered from Amazon a week ago and start reading it. The book is titled, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover. After reading the first few pages, my eyes started to water sort of like when my contacts have been in for too long or it feels like there is a foreign object on them and I rub my eyes for a quick fix... causing them to water. My eyes rarely water or tear for so-called emotional reasons so this was a rare and unexpected thing for me to have experienced that night. For those who know me, you must be thinking, "Justin got emotional over a book? Nah, he doesn't get emotional!" Well, let's look at a few excerpts from the book then, shall we?

Here is part of the introduction:

Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it “right.” They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, Nice Guys are peaceful and generous. Nice Guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different from other men. In a nutshell, Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.

 Notice that part I colored in red? Let's continue.

Nice Guys have believed a myth.

This myth is the essence of the Nice Guy Syndrome. The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are “good,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results---as it often does---Nice  Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.

For many years, myself and a lot of other guys out there have believed this myth. After all, to me, being a logical thinker and all as you know, it seems true from a simple logical standpoint: If one is good, caring, and giving, the one who received those things will return the favor to the one who gave it to them. Although this has happened in my life, the results are, unfortunately, pretty slim.

Let's move on. Some excerpts from Chapter 1:

More than anything, Jason wanted to be liked. He saw himself as a very generous, giving person. He prided himself on not having many ups and downs and for never losing his temper. He revealed that he liked to make people happy, and that he hated conflict.

“I do a lot more than most guys. It seems like I’m always giving so much more than I get.” Now, looking like a little boy on the couch, Jason pleaded, “All I want is to be loved and appreciated. Is this too much to ask?”

Well, holy shit! Do you see that there? You might as well replace "Jason" with "Justin" because that sure as hell explains me to a T! And, after all these years, I thought "Nice Guys" were rare commodities. I guess we are not as rare as I thought.

Let's move on to Omar:

Omar’s number one goal in life is to please his girlfriend. Nevertheless, she complains that he is never emotionally available for her. In fact, every one of his previous girlfriends has had the same complaint. Since Omar sees himself as such a giver, he can't understand these accusations. Omar states that his greatest joy in life is making other people happy.

Well, look at that! Omar has the same greatest joy I have. Ain't that something?


Let's check out Todd's story:

Todd prides on treating women with honesty and respect. He believes these traits set him apart from other men and should attract women to him. Though he has many female friends, he rarely dates. The women he knows tell him what a great listener he is and often call him to share their problems. He likes feeling needed. These female friends constantly tell him what a great “catch” he will make for some lucky woman. In spite of the way he treats women, he can’t understand why they all seem to be attracted to jerks rather than to Nice Guys like him.

Well, holy shit on a shingle; I too wonder why I'm still single.


Hey, Bill is next to check out:

Bill is the person to whom everyone turns when they need something. The word “no” just isn’t in his vocabulary. Even though it makes him feel good to give to others, he never seems to get as much as he gives.

Even though, "no" is in my vocabulary, it is rarely used for the reason stated with Bill above. Those were just some examples of "Some of the nicest guys you will ever meet" found in Chapter 1.

Though all of these men (including myself) are unique, we all share this common life script: They all believe that if they are “good” and do everything “right,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life. Dr. Glover calls these men "Nice Guys." I actually understand why.


 Another snip from Chapter 1:

• He is the buddy who will do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles.
• He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
• He is the dependable guy at church or the club who will never say “no” and would never tell anyone if they were imposing on him.
• He is the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.

I'd have to honestly say I agree with everything above except for not wanting to "rock the boat." ;-)





Now, let's go on to the Characteristics of Nice Guys:

• Nice Guys are givers
• Nice Guys fix and caretake
• Nice Guys seek approval from others
• Nice Guys avoid conflict
• Nice Guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
• Nice Guys seek the “right” way to do things.
• Nice guys repress their feelings.
• Nice guys often try to be different from their fathers.
• Nice Guys are often more comfortable relating to women than to men.
• Nice guys have difficulty making their needs a priority.

So, there we go again. I, being the "Nice Guy" I am, fit the characteristics. I am a giver, avoid conflict, repress my feelings, etc. I guess you can say I'm like the character Kwai Chang Caine from Kung Fu...




  

And, I always wanted to be some sort of hero figure hence the reason why I always wanted to get into law enforcement and why I was in security for a few years....





And I love being that one man who is making a difference in people's lives for the better. I'm sure that's the main reason why I created my own computer business.







Also, having the computer business can be considered to be my "saving grace" such as with Jose in Chapter 2:

Jose considered his natural intelligence, work ethic, and ability to solve problems his "saving grace." He believed these factors allowed him to escape his family dysfunction and make something of himself . Without them, he was convinced, he would have ended up just like his parents and the rest of his siblings.

What’s wrong with being a Nice Guy? From Chapter 1:

The term Nice Guy is actually a misnomer because Nice Guys are often anything but nice.
Some not-so-nice traits of Nice Guys:

Nice Guys are dishonest. These men hide their mistakes, avoid conflict, say what they think people want to hear, and repress their feelings. These traits make Nice Guys fundamentally dishonest.

Nice Guys are secretive.  Because they are so driven to seek approval, Nice Guys will hide anything that they believe might upset anyone. The Nice Guy motto is, "If at first you don't succeed, hide the evidence."

Nice Guys are compartmentalized.  Nice Guys are adept at harmonizing contradictory pieces of information about themselves by separating them into compartments into their mind.

Nice Guys are manipulative.  Nice Guys tend to have a hard time making their needs a prioority and have difficulty asking for what they want in clear and direct ways. This creates a sense of powerlessness. Therefore, they frequently resort to manipulation when trying to get their needs met.

Nice Guys are controlling.  A major priority for Nice Guys is keeping their world smooth. This creates a constant need to try to control the people and things around them.

Nice Guys give to get.  Though Nice Guys tend to be generous givers, their giving often has unconscious and unspoken strings attached. They want to be appreciated, they want some kind of reciprocation, they want someone to stop being angry at them, etc.

Nice Guys are passive-aggressive.  Nice Guys tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways. This includes being unavailable, forgetting, being late...

Nice Guys are full of rage.  Though Nice Guys frequently deny over getting angry, a lifetime of frustration and resentment creates a pressure cooker of repressed rage deep inside these men. This rage tends to erupt at some of the most unexpected and seemingly inappropriate times.

Nice Guys have difficulty setting boundaries. Many Nice Guys have a hard time saying "no," "stop," or "I'm not going to." They often feel like helpless victims and see the other person as the cause of the  problems they are experiencing.

Nice Guys are frequently isolated.  Though Nice Guys desire to be liked and loved, their behaviors actually make it difficult for people to get very close to them.

Nice Guys are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing.  This behavior is often the result of the Nice Guy's childhood conditioning, his need to look good, or his quest for approval. Unfortunately, this tendency pretty much guarantees that Nice Guys will spend most of their time putting out fires and managing crises.

Nice Guys have problems in intimate relationships. One example: It is not unusual for Nice Guys to form relationships with partners whom they believe to be "projects" or "diamonds in the rough." When these projects don't polish up  as expected. Nice Guys tend to blame their partner for standing in the way of their happiness.

Unfortunately, the negative traits listed above find a way to ooze out into Nice Guys' lives and personal relationships. As a result, these men then to swing back and forth between being nice and not-so-nice. 

So, I must learn, from now on, to be an "integrated male" instead of a "Nice Guy."

Nice Guys tend to be very black and white in their thinking. The only alternative they can see to being nice is becoming "bastards" or "jerks." I frequently remind Nice Guys that the opposite of crazy is still crazy, so being a "jerk" isn't the answer.

Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his  assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

One pretty neat thing Dr. Glover mentioned in chapter one was about the Seinfeld episode where George decided to change his life by doing the opposite. As you know, Seinfeld is one of my favorite shows. If you didn't know that, now you do.

Here is the part where George does the opposite. Unfortunately, I am unable to embed this one in the blog.

Of course, doing everything the opposite is not the answer for breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome, doing some things different is.

Dr. Glover wrote about paradigms as well:

A paradigm is the road map we use to navigate life's journey. Everyone uses these road maps, and everyone assumes the map they are using is up-to-date and accurate.

The working paradigm of the Nice Guy is this:

If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.

Even when this paradigm is ineffective, Nice Guys only see one alternative: try harder.

It looks like my paradigm isn't up-to-date and accurate anymore. It's funny how I always try to keep my computer up-to-date but not my own road map to navigate in my life. That, obviously, must be addressed then, don't you think?

Dr. Glover also went into detail with the making of the Nice Guy  and the origin of the Nice Guy paradigm in chapter 2. I'm not going to go into much detail about that but he mentions a little Twentieth Century History 101 - the loss of fathers, the female dominated educational system, the Vietnam war, and women's liberation.

Obviously, if you know me well enough and have read my other blog posts and essays, you pretty much know my background.

So, after all of the above, why have I decided to not be that "Nice Guy" everyone has grown to love? Here are a few main reasons:

Trust in people - I had a tendency to trust and have faith (even though I don't like using the word "faith" because I'm not a faithful person and it ties into religious stuff of which I'm not a believer in but... it fits well here) in people who said they will take care of something for me but either take too long to take care of what I need or just end up not taking care of what they said they would, which in turn costs me a shit load of money and expectations of something complete of which it never is.  (hint: FUCKING TRANS AM!) 

Being nice and kind to the lovely ladies out there, even ones I barely knew. What has this gotten me? A thinner wallet, waste of my time, and more emotions being repressed inside. (hint: Recently, this one girl I had mentioned on a Facebook post this month who has all of a sudden decided to move out of the state without giving me any warning and..... best of all.. not even giving me the chance to see her one last time. Funny, seems like everything was going so well until.... she ends up being a selfish c--t and packs her shit and leaves. She had her reasons but were her reasons really justifiable to leave her family, friends, and good job? And just to clarify, just in case you people already probably assumed: she was NOT girlfriend material and never was going to be. Why? Because she's gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!) We both didn't mind this and I didn't especially because I didn't have a reason to impress her so I didn't. We both didn't which made everything much more relaxing) I, of course, won't do the opposite of being nice and kind but I will be bending that rule around a bit for obvious reasons.

Jerry and George's gay moment, not that there's anything wrong with that! Another one I unfortunately can't embed so you have to click on the link.

Another one which was similar to what went on during the first time we met.... (not the falling in love part, of course, but the similarities with ourselves.)

 Business - I have had a couple customers who I used to be "very" generous to when it has come to my business. These few people do not have the privilege of using me for my services anymore. One of the main ones I had which pissed me off to no end was when I made it to their house a couple times on time and the customer was not there.... having me wait over thirty minutes or so because they said they will be there but never showed. I don't know about you but I can't afford to waste my time like that especially since my time is the only way I am able to make money.

 Doing things I honestly don't like to do to please others - I choose not to do things I don't like to do which doesn't make me happy anymore. I understand I make the other person happy doing what needs to be done but in the end, did I benefit from it? That's what I think I should be focusing on these days. Life is short; why waste my time doing something I don't like to do? To make the other person happy? There are some exceptions to this rule though but there are some things I need to "address" for my own well being.

So, there are a few direct examples I have. There are more, of course, but those are probably of utmost importance.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I can just pack up my shit and leave as well and just be a nowhere man....




I guess this is it. I hope a lot of you "Nice Guys" and even girls who are like us "Nice Guys" read this and learn from it. I haven't finished the book yet but, after reading what I read so far, I highly recommend it to you "Nice Guys" out there!

Thanks for taking your time to read what has been in my mind and stay tuned for more updates soon,

- Justin Rocque - former "Nice Guy"

Just a question which puzzles my mind and makes me want to go, hmmm?!!

I haven't updated my blog in quite a few months as you can see but this is a message I sent to someone who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons and to prevent me from getting my ass kicked when we see each other in person again one of these days. It is just one of those rare works I write when I have things on my mind and thought I'd share it here because it's just a rare analytical thing coming from the heart and not just words typed around from a keyboard.


Comments are welcome. Maybe if we all pull ourselves together, we can find the answers I seek to this mysterious question.


And of course, I must mention, I am no expert or professional in this topic so everything here is my own opinion and based on my experiences and things I saw and learned from around me.

So, you were not single for however long, which meant you were in a relationship, correct? After being in said "relationship" for however long, the dude says, "Sorry, I'm not ready to be in a relationship with you so we must break up."

How can one say he/she is not ready to be in a relationship when, in fact, they have already been in it? That's what confuses me.

Also... is being in a relationship that hard? Obviously, I barely have any experience in this subject matter but, how hard can it be to be in a relationship with someone? They meet, talk, become friends, hang out, if there is a connection, intimacy (most of my shitty so-called relationships back in the day mostly started and ended with the latter and there was barely anything of the former but this isn't about my shitty, er, acquaintances.) ensues to a certain degree or whatever then they decide on whether to take things forward and become a "couple."

So, now they are a "couple" and in a "relationship" and do not fuck around with others of the opposite sex. This, from what I understand, is called a "committed relationship." Unless, it is an "open relationship," one should not fuck with others of the opposite sex because that would be considered "cheating." In a "committed relationship", there is friendship, intimacy of nobody else but the two in the relationship and the male one in said relationship does his best to make sure the female is happy and buys her things at random times just because.... and when they are together, makes sure he puts himself before her when it comes to safety and other bullshit around them in this area with lack of common courtesy and common fucking sense! The female, just does what she does and continues to show affection at random times and, well, whatever the other things the females do in the relationship. Surely I can go on about this but this isn't really the point I'm getting at.

So, I don't want to bring this up because I'd like you to get over the bullshit things in your life and move on but it just boils down to....
Why would a man not want to be in a "committed relationship" with an amazingly beautiful female who is getting an education, works, has a killer personality, lovely hair, beautiful smile, doesn't smoke, do drugs, and isn't a stuck up, skanky ass hoe like I see in the lovely bars, malls, and walmarts around here??

You said he was a really nice guy. Coming from a nice guy, why would he let a woman most nice guys would do almost anything to be with but just sit around and dream about it instead?

That is the main question right there which just makes me sit back and go, wtf?! Does he have a secret he is hiding? Is he fucking gay where he has to break it off before you find out? Is there someone else which is why he isn't ready to be in a "COMMITTED relationship?" Would he rather still just be "free" instead of "hooked" to one girl? Sure, there are many more beautiful girls out there but how often do you see ones with the qualities you have I mentioned above?

Anyway.... I can go on and on and come up and add 20 more questions but I guess we'll never find the answer unless you ask him to give you a more detailed explanation besides the bullshit line many have heard before.... "Sorry, I am not ready to be in a relationship, [even though I've been in a relationship with you for a while now, I just don't want to do it anymore. I hope you understand. I'm not going to bother to tell you why, that's for me to know and you to just ponder about and tell all your friends and post it on facebook so everyone can find out what a dumb ass I really am for letting an amazing girl like you go.]"

I wasn't going to bother even sending you a message such as this. I find sending long ass messages like this to girls I barely talk to is a waste of both of our times but all of these thoughts came up so instead of letting them linger on in my analytical head of mine for who knows how long, I'd thought I'd let it all out on you because you started it. lol! j/k. Nah, but seriously, I just get pretty damn confused with the kind of things I see happen to girls like you so I'm just looking for some kind of answer, an answer, like many, I doubt I'll find. But maybe, just maybe, if you ask him to be more specific, we'll both find an answer to this mystery and we can put it to rest but would it be worth opening this so-called "can of worms" again just to satisfy my curiosity? Nope. But I'm sure you'll like to find a "true" reason, whatever it may be so you don't just sit around and wonder why for days to come....

If you read all this by now, respond back with, "You creepy doofus" so I know you read it and didn't just go, "What's this shit! [delete]"

Have a good day, night, or whatever,

Justin - the man seeking to find answers he may never find.

Major blog update on Knight Replica's Blog site

Just a note to everyone who checks this blog out, I have posted a major blog update on the Knight Replica's Blog. Check it out for some exciting news!

Later,

Justin

Small thunderstorm caused a 3+ hour long power outage in my area.

I got home yesterday at around five or so in the evening only to realize the power went out. There has been a thunderstorm during that time in Fort Pierce and in Stuart so it was understandable for the power to go out. Problem is, the storm eventually cleared up, yet the power was still out for over three hours. A phone call to FPL resulted in a recording saying this outage was caused by a "branch" or "tree" hitting a power line and it has affected the small area of PSL near Floresta and Prima Vista, totaling around one hundred homes. This hasn't even been a hurricane yet and it took this long for the power to be restored. Imagine if a slightly bigger and longer thunderstorm or even a small hurricane were to pass by. How long would it take for the power to be restored then? A whole damn day? And what would be the cause again? Another small ass BRANCH or TREE PART?

Here's a tip for FPL and the FANTASTIC city of PORT SAINT LUICE to work on....
Maybe you guys should trim the trees near the power lines right before the hurricane season starts to at LEAST six inches or so BELOW the power lines so a BULLSHIT issue like this does not happen again? Sure, this will cost some man labor but don't you think it will pay out in the long run during the storms? I understand a lightening strike can cause the power to go out by hitting that resistor thing or whatever it's called on the pole but when it comes to something as stupid like a tree? Come on now. Also, when the power does go out from whatever issue, get your asses on the ball and have it restored within a reasonable time frame, such as close to the thirty minute mark. Think of peoples livelihood here. People have babies around here who need to be fed. The bottles needs to be warmed. People have food stored in their freezers. Do you know how much food will get wasted in 3+hrs of a power outage? Are you going to reimburse people for that food and money wasted because of your slackness in getting the power restored in such a small area?

So, FPL and the wonderful city of PSL, get your damn act together and do it NOW! And don't go telling me about the other countries out there who have no electric and how we are spoiled because we do. I'm sure they don't have a use for oil like we do either. Unfortunately, having what we need, we suffer the consequences, such as screwing up the environment around us and instead of destroying and ridding what is destroying our environment, we must "fix" it so we don't lose all that wonderful money of which most people will see none..... I can go on but that's a whole different subject not to be discussed here....

I'm too tired to have that last paragraph make more sense but I'm sure you know where I'm getting at!

Questions, comments? I'm waiting!

- Justin Rocque